allowing change to happen

i have a fear in my heart that has taken up space.  to say it does not belong makes it wrong in a way.  it belongs because it is there, however what i decide to do with it is my own choice.  i could let it reside and take up residency for decades to come.  let it clog up my cells and die within my body.. let it dampen and darken my spirit, or i can look and stop denying its existence by filling in the spaces around it.  

i am pleased the pure acknowledgment of the sensation leads to a deeper understanding.  it feels old.  it feels cranky and whiny and outdated.  it is deep but not rooted. so then maybe it is even shallow..  it feels like it wants to move out and change.  it is small and it wants attention but not a lot, just this much is enough.  it wants to be seen and heard and then placed somewhere it will be safe.  i will then put it on a shelf outside of myself but somewhere my minds eye can see.  this fear serves as a great reminder to the ways in which i can show up for myself. the ways in which i do not fully understand but wholeheartedly accept.  the ways in which i empower myself with the possibility of transformation.  i can choose fear or i can choose love.  when i remember this i choose love each and every time.  it is a no brainer.

once the fear has left i check in again.  there is a calm abiding that needs no words just space to exquisitely show up.  it feels neutral and lovely and i will leave it at that. i am reconnecting with my light. my essence, my spirit. my true self.  this connection breathes new life to the air around it. purifying and giving back in ways i cannot even see.  it feels good and much bigger than my own.   love is always present beckoning for us to bask in its freedom and bounty.  amen.


found this word written on a bench next to the waterfall we got married at nineish years ago.. glad to see someone marked the spot!